An Alarming Development

The Stuart Highway, named after explorer John McDouall Stuart, runs north-south through the centre of Australia from Darwin to Port Augusta for a distance of 2834 kms.

While driving on the Stuart a few days ago, I saw this sign near Marla in the far north of South Australia:

It draws attention to a worrying development in the Australian cattle industry. Not only is it seen by many as unnecessary pampering to issue I-phones to cattle, but also adds significantly to the cost of a decent T-bone.

Furthermore, it increases the probability that a beast, temporarily distracted by its txting activity, will wander onto the highway and get hit by a 50-metre road train travelling at 110 kms/hour or more, with the result that the I-phone gets run over and broken. This is of course the risk to which the sign draws our attention.

Recent research has shown that the majority of txt messages sent by cattle are of a trivial nature such as “C U at the dam” or “which paddock R U in?” Bulls have been known to send txt messages of an unsettling nature to cows – “wot R U doin 2nite?” is a mild example.

This all goes a long way to explaining why Telstra and other phone companies are so slow to provide phone coverage in the smaller towns and villages across the nation – they’re too busy installing mobile phone towers in cow paddocks. We’ve learnt to look for free-range eggs in the supermarket. Now it’s time for us to insist on beef from phone-free cattle.


About dazzlerplus

Writing about the things that interest me helps me to discover what I think. One of my loves is the Australian Outback, and I travel out there often, and when possible take friends with me.
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10 Responses to An Alarming Development

  1. Father Pete says:

    You haf excelled yourself mit dis vun, comrad. We are Bobbydazzled!

  2. roobark says:

    Reminds me of the one about two cows casually standing on hind legs and leaning against a fence, supposedly chewing the fat – or, should I say, cud. One hears a car approaching and says to the other, ‘Quick, drop down on all fours.’ Now we know they were probably cooking up text messages to the local bull.

  3. Mandy says:

    Are you sure you’re not on Twitter?

  4. Sue Emeleus says:

    Rob that is hilarious. Whatever does it mean? Is it exiting? I’m glad you continue to be full of good humour. Love from Sue

  5. Lizzie says:


  6. Anne Newton says:

    I love bovine humour.

  7. Anne Newton says:

    Just don’t X those cattle when they’re X ing and txt ing.

  8. Nettie Simonis says:

    Love it !!

    Date: Thu, 29 Aug 2013 04:52:12 +0000 To:

  9. Ros B says:

    Good one! Helped cure my writer’s block this morning! Keep the humour coming please!

  10. Wrinkly says:

    It seems that you haven’t realised that the electronic ear tags need to be tethered to the cow’s iPhone in order to report the cows condition back to the homestead computer …

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